Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone came in the potted fern
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
