you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
