Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
