So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
