hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I AM VODKA MAN
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
