I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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