My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
