Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just had sex bonerless
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
