Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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