So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
