They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
