yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
