so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
