end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
