of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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