I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He did a backflip because drugs
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