What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
