He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
