How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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