i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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