he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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