I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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