I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
