life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
