Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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