My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
