no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
