drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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