Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
