So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I AM VODKA MAN
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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