When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I need moral support for this bender
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
