party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
