Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
