If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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