Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
