toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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