I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
