I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
