i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
