If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
