my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
