He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
