I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
