i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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