I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i came on her dog
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
