Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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