names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
