Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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