It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
