apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
