how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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